I own a Dell, therefore I am... Dear Blog:
File this under: "Things that make you go hmm."

I own a Dell. People tell me that I am dull.

Hmm.

Until next time...
- Bernie  ¶ 11:43 AM 0 comments

Nothing Dear Blog:
I had something to say, but I forget what it was. It had something to do with cheese. Like my mom always says, if it was important, I guess I would have remembered it, and yet, what little is left of my lost thought gnaws at my brain.

Cheese. Cheese. Cheese.

Nope, not getting a thing. It's gone.

More soon.
- Bernie  ¶ 12:38 PM 0 comments

Meet The New House, Same As The Old House Dear Blog:
It occurs to me that I never told you about my new house. I've lived here ever since I was born, but it's new to me in the sense that I recently became the sole resident. My mom and dad got fed up with waiting for me to move out, so they moved out instead. They bought a trailer and now live in the yard.

The night my parents moved out, I celebrated by blasting the Purple Rain album by Prince while dancing in my birthday suit. Unfortunately, my mother stopped by to get more blankets for the trailer, and walked in on me while I was shaking it to "Delirious." It was awkard. At first, I thought that I had blown my chance of living alone in the house, but as it turned out, it only seemed to solidify their decision to move out. My parents still take care of the mortgage payments and property taxes, so it works out pretty well for me.

I visit them as often as I'm able.
- Bernie  ¶ 1:37 PM 0 comments

Hear Me Roar Dear Blog:
My latest speedtest result from Broadband Reports: 14015 kbps down / 1732 kbps up.

I am strong. I am invincible. I am awesome.

Eat my digital dust.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with all that speed.
- Bernie  ¶ 1:18 PM 0 comments

If I Were A Bill Dear Blog:
I've been thinking. Bill can be a person's name, or it can be something that you have to pay. If my name were Bill, I'd make people pay me. I'm so tired. Must go to sleep.
-Bernie  ¶ 11:50 PM 0 comments

Perfect Timing Dear Blog:
I bought a bag of potato chips. They were tasty. When I threw the bag away, I noticed that the garbage can was full. It's just as well. Tomorrow they collect the trash, so I have to take the garbage out anyway. I'm going to do that now. Later.
- Bernie  ¶ 3:34 PM 0 comments

Eggs Over Easy, Part II Dear Blog:
This morning, I made eggs over easy again. This time, they came out fine. I guess the prior yolk-breaking incident was just one of those things.

After having time to think about it, I guess Mrs. Jennings did a pretty good job. I'm going to write a letter to IKEA commending her. While I'm at it, I'll also let them know that I'll never shop there again because I shouldn't have to bag my own purchases. Maybe I should start a petition. I'll keep you posted.
-Bernie  ¶ 10:08 AM 0 comments

Paging Mrs. Jennings Dear Blog:
I called Mrs. Jennings at IKEA. The operator told me that she was in but not immediately available. I had to leave a message. Mrs. Jennings called me about an hour later. I told her I was unhappy with the spatula that I bought there because it broke the egg yolk on my eggs over easy. She says, "Are you the guy who complained about having to bag your merchandise?" I guess I made an impression.

Anyway, she told me that if I wasn't satisfied, I could bring the spatula back to the store with a receipt within ten days of sale, and they will give me a refund. I told her I didn't want a refund: I just wanted her to know I wasn't happy. She apologized and asked me if there was anything else she could do to help me. I said no. She said, "Have a nice day, sir. Thank you for calling IKEA." I said goodbye, and hung up the phone. Until tomorrow...
-Bernie  ¶ 1:09 PM 0 comments

Eggs, Over Easy, Not So Easy Dear Blog:
This morning, I got up a half hour early to give my new spatula a try. I made bacon and eggs, over easy. The eggs got stuck to the pan, and when I tried to flip them, one of the yolks broke. What a rotten way to start the day. I'm thinking of calling Mrs. Jennings. Stay tuned...
- Bernie.  ¶ 3:09 PM 0 comments

Bag My Spatula Dear Blog:
This is my brand new spatula. I got it at IKEA. I had never been to IKEA before, and I had no idea what to expect, but I looked at their website, and was impressed at the wide variety of spatulas they had for sale, so I decided to give it a whirl.

Between parking, walking through the store, choosing a spatula, waiting in line, and paying for it, it took about an hour to get it, not counting driving time, which added another hour for the round trip. The spatula cost $3, well, $2.99 really, $3.17 with tax.

When I paid for it, I couldn't help but noticing that the cashier didn't bag my spatula. When I asked her about it, she just pointed to a pile of plastic bags and said I could help myself. I asked for the manager. She asked what I wanted a manager for (as if she didn't know). I wouldn't tell her. I reiterated, "Could you just get the manager for me, please?" I was trying my best to be polite, in spite of the circumstances. She called the mangager over. A lady by the name of Mrs. Jennings came up and greeted me. She must have seen I was upset, because she was all smiles, and really polite. I explained to her, as calmly as I could, that the cashier did not bag my spatula. Mrs. Jennings tells me that everybody bags their own purchases at IKEA! She says it helps to speed the line along more quickly, and helps to keep costs down so that they can continue to sell their products at low prices. That makes sense, but I still don't like it. I will never shop at IKEA again. They treat their customers like dirt.

On the bright side, it is a nice spatula. Now I have to think of something to cook. I can't wait to tell you about it.
- Bernie.  ¶ 3:12 PM 0 comments

Picky Picky Dear Blog:
Today I got a piece of broccoli stuck in my teeth. I had to use a toothpick to get it out. I wonder if God hates me. Till tomorrow...
- Bernie.  ¶ 1:17 PM 0 comments

No Tick. No Tock. Dear Blog:
Today I noticed that my kitchen clock stopped working. I suspected a dead battery was the cause. I put in a new battery. It started working again. I reset the time and hung it back on the wall. Who knows what challenges await me tomorrow? Good bye for now.
- Bernie  ¶ 12:22 PM 0 comments

I have a blog. Dear Blog:
Today, I started a blog. Well, that's all for now.
- Bernie  ¶ 9:37 PM 0 comments