Best-Laid Plans Let me give you all a bit of advice: if you ever want to get a day off from work, don't tell your boss that you need the day off because your mother is sick, unless, of course, she is really sick.

I was able to get the day off from work today by lying to my boss that my mother is sick and that I had to take her to the doctor. I woke up early, looking forward to having the UPS guy deliver my new MacBook. I took a shower, got dressed, and made myself a nice breakfast using the spatula that I got from IKEA, which, I must admit, has grown on me. Then I sat on the couch and watched a little TV.

While watching The View, my phone rang. I picked it up. It was my mother calling from the trailer. My mother said, "Bernie, I need a favor..."

I should have known that she'd pull something like this. I never should have told her I was taking the day off. Now she's going to try to get me to run her on some errands. I would just have to explain to her that I needed to stay home so that I don't miss the UPS guy.

"What favor, mom?" I sigh.

"I need you to take me to the doctor," says my mom.

"What's wrong, mom? Are you sick?" I ask.

And then I heard her violently wretch a belly full of vomit into her toilet.

I say, "A simple 'yes' would have sufficed."

Unreal! I had lied and said that she was sick, and now she's really sick. I realized that I had to get her to the doctor. There was no doubt about that. The trick was getting her there and back as quickly as possible so that I can still be back home in time to accept delivery of my MacBook from the UPS guy.

I asked her if she had called her doctor. She said she had and was told to come in as soon as she can, and he'd fit her in somehow. I dreaded the idea of going to the doctor without an appointment. I pictured having to wait for hours in the doctor's waiting room before he could fit her in. Suddenly, my mother wasn't the only one sick to her stomach.

Long story short: I took her to the doctor. He was able to see her after having us wait about an hour. He concluded that she had a virus, wrote her a prescription, and told her to get plenty of rest. I dropped off the prescription with our local pharmacist and told my mother that I'd go to pick it up as soon as the UPS guy came. Then I took her home.

You can probably guess what I found when I got home. That's right: a UPS slip stuck to my front door. It said that they would attempt another delivery the following day. Arrggggg!

I'm off to the pharmacists now to pick up her subscription. Maybe I'll get a dose of hemlock for myself while I'm there.

So much for getting to know my MacBook.

What a drag.
- Bernie  ¶ 4:34 PM