On Hold I called customer service at iRobot to arrange to get my roomba serviced. I was greeted by an answering machine telling me how important my call is, and to hold, and hold, and hold.

I called about ten times from work today just to hear my call is important, please hold.....still holding. I'm not sure what the point is to a warranty if you can't even get through customer service to get your roomba serviced. I'll try them again tonight. Maybe I'll have better luck.

My mom called me after I got home to make sure that I'm still talking to her after she posted an online personal ad in my name without my consent. She said, "You have some set of lungs. Your dad and I heard you scream after we left the house last night. Your mother didn't teach you to use language like that."

I said, "Sorry. I was upset. I still am. I really wish that you wouldn't meddle in my life."

As I fully expected, she went into guilt-trip mode without missing a beat. "Considering that your dad and I let you have the house to yourself," she said, "I'd think that you could show me a little gratitide."

What could I say? She's right. As long as I live under their roof, I have to let her play her little games.

I said, "Fine, mom, but I don't have to go on any dates if I don't want to."

"Fair enough, Bernie," she said. "You'd make me very happy if you could just look at some of the people who respond you your ad."

I said, "OK. Fine. How many responses has there been so far?"

"So far?" she asked.

"Yeah, mom."

"Well," she says, "so far...none." She quickly added, "But don't let that discourage you!"

"Discourage me?" I said. "Why would I be discouraged when something that I don't want to happen, isn't happening? I'm ecstatic."

"Oh, Bernie Boy," she giggled.

"I gotta go mom," I said. "I have to make a call about my roomba. I'll probably be on hold most of the night."

As far as dating goes, I hope I'm on hold for the rest of my life.
- Bernie  ¶ 6:50 PM