Howie-sensei? I heard from Curty over IM at work today. He said he'd be able to play Burnout: Revenge on Xbox Live with me sometime on Saturday evening. I said that would be fine. What I didn't tell him is that I'm a complete spazz at playing the game. Somehow, I had to figure out a way to get my game on by Saturday, and show Curty that I cannot be owned.

Later on, I bumped into my co-worker and former chauffeur, Howie. Since he is clearly even geekier than me, I thought he might be interested to know that I got an Xbox 360. It turns out that he has one as well. Not only that, but he told me that he is a master at playing Burnout: Revenge. I told him that I was having trouble getting a feel for the game, and asked him if he had any pointers for me.

"Sure," Howie said. "I'll be happy to give you some pointers. We should get together and play sometime."

As I don't have a lot of time to master the game, I asked him if he'd like to stop by my place tonight and show me the ropes. He said, "Sure. I'll just stop by my place to pick up a controller and I'll come right over to your place."

I felt a little sorry for Howie. Here was a guy who obviously has no life; he was able to make time that very night with little warning.

On the other hand, I'm the one who invited him over, so what does that say about me?

Anyway, I told him that I'd order some Chinese food to be delivered so we'd have something to munch on while he showed me how to play Burnout.

Howie showed up at my place after work just as planned. Although he'd given me rides to and from work before, he'd never actually been to my house, so this was his first visit. The Chinese food showed up soon after Howie did.

After nibbling on some General Tso's chicken and fried rice, we settled on my couch to play Burnout: Revenge.

Howie said, "Since I am your teacher, you will address me as 'Howie-sensei'."

"What does that make me?" I asked.

Howie shrugged and said, "Bernie-san, I guess, or would you prefer 'grasshopper'?"

"Bernie-san it is then," I said.

We played for about two hours straight. I was totally amazed at how much control he had over his car. He just flew through the streets, smoothly negotiating every street corner, sending other cars careening into walls and into each other. His claims of being a master were well-founded.

As I am typing this it occurs to me that Howie-sensei did not impart upon me a single word of wisdom, not one pointer, no tips, no advice, nothing. All he did was eat the food that I had paid for while totally owning me.

Thanks for nothing, Howie-sensei.

I am so screwed come Saturday night.
- Bernie  ¶ 8:10 PM