Intruder Alert This morning at about three o'clock I was awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of breaking glass. The sound came from the livingroom. I live alone, so the only thing I could think of was that someone had broken into my house.

I wish I could say that I had a security system in my house, but I don't. My town is a low crime area, and getting a security system has never really been a priority. I found myself sitting in bed, with my heart racing, and regretting my decision not to have a security system installed.

I have several phones in the house, including a cordless phone in the bedroom. I reached for my phone to take it out of it's charging base so I could call 911. The phone wasn't there. Then I remembered that I had left it in the living room last night. Drat!

I was going to have to think of a way to deal with the intruder myself.

I looked around my bedroom for a weapon. About the only thing I could find was the Star Wars light saber that I had just bought at the comic convention. I grabbed it, slowly opened my bedroom door, and cautiously stepped into the hallway.

"I've called the cops!" I yelled, hoping that my bluff would scare the intruder away. I didn't hear any response. I tip-toed down the hallway, inching my way towards the livingroom.

I yelled again, "I'll have you know that I am armed! Leave now if you do not want to get hurt." Then I pushed the button on my light saber and the neon tube glowed red. The effect was dramatic. Still, I heard nothing.

I reached the end of the hallway, reached around the corner, and flicked on the living room light switch. I ducked back into the hallway, fearing an attack. And yet, I still didn't hear anything.

I slowly peeked around the corner into the living room. The first thing I noticed was that the livingroom windows appeared to be in tact. Then I noticed some broken glass on the floor. I inched my way towards it. I noticed that the glass was from a candle holder that I keep on one of my end tables. Lying on the end table, where the candle holder used to sit, was the culpit: a pewter unicorn that had fallen from the mantlepiece.

I turned off the light saber and took a deep breath.

I placed the unicorn back on the mantlepiece. Then I swept up the shattered candle holder and threw it in the trash. I grabbed my cordless phone and my light saber and headed back to my bedroom.

This Jedi needed a few more hours of shut eye before getting up for work.

Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm a complete moron.
- Bernie  ¶ 5:01 PM