Bernie Out! Sometimes life changing events happen because you want them to happen, you plan for them, you strive for them. Other times, life changing events just happen. Well, today just kind of happened.

Howie showed up at my place at about half past two in the afternoon. I was moderating Leon Laponte's chatroom at the time. After letting Howie in, I typed, "g2g. I have company," and then I disconnected from chat.

My mom and dad showed up minutes later. I put out snacks and hit the kitchen.

I already had a chicken filled with stuffing roasting in the oven. While Howie and my parents were getting acquainted in the living room, I put a pot of water on the stove and started preparing the mashed potatoes. Once I got the potatoes in the water, I started preparing fresh string beans for the steamer. While I was steaming the string beans, I put some dinner rolls in the bun warmer and started mashing the potatoes, mixing in a bit of milk, butter, salt and pepper.

I set the table, brought out all the food, and the four of us sat down for what was to become one of the most eventful meals of my life.

At first, our dinner conversation was as harmless as dinner conversation gets. We talked mostly about the weather, which has been very nice the past couple of days, and a huge relief compared the deluge of rain we've been getting lately. And then, out of nowhere, Howie decides that he wants to push my parent's buttons.

"So, Mr. and Mrs. Michaels," said Howie, "you folks are Catholics, right?"

"Yes, that's right," my mother says.

"Well," says Howie, "my family was never terribly religious, and I'm a little confused about the Catholic church's views on one particular subject. I hope you don't mind me asking where you stand on homosexuality."

My mom and dad glance at each other. I glare at Howie.

My mom says, "I believe that we are all God's children, and that God loves each and every one of us. However, the Bible makes it quite clear that homosexuality is an abomination and a sin."

"So," says Howie, "you're on the fence about it."

"We don't hate homosexuals, if that's what you're getting at," said my dad. "Heck, one time, in this bar, this homo came on to me. Sure, I could have punched his lights out, but I didn't. I just told him that I didn't swing that way."

"How very Christian of you," said Howie.

"Howie," I said, "Give it a rest. Let's just enjoy our meal."

"Bernie," replied Howie, "Don't you have something to tell your parents?"

My mom and dad glanced at each other again.

I say, "Me? No, not that I can think of."

Howie picks up a bite of chicken with his fork and puts it in his mouth. "Mmm," says Howie, looking me square in the eye, "this sure is some tasty chicken." And then Howie starts flapping his arms and clucking like a chicken.

I wanted to kill him.

"Stop it!" I yell. I was a little embarrassed for raising my voice. "Fine," I said, and then I took a deep breath. "Mom, Dad..." The moment had arrived. There was no turning back now. "In the words of our former Governor, Jim Mcgreevey, I am a Gay American!"

And then my mom smiled. "We kinda figured, Bernie Boy." My mom glanced at my dad.

"Yeah," my dad added, "I think we didn't realize it until we saw you with that nurse we had over on the fourth of July." He turns to my mom and says, "What was her name again? Holly? Molly?"

"Molly," said my mom.

"Yeah, that's it," said my dad. Turning to me, he said, "You looked pretty uncomfortable around her, Bernie, and that girl was nice. Did you get a load of her...," my dad cupped both of his hands over his chest to make the universal sign for breasts. My mom glared at my dad. My dad put his hands down. Howie snorted.

"So," my mom says, "I'm not sure if I even need to ask this next question, but," she paused, searching for the right words, "Are you dating anybody?"

Howie and I glanced at each other. My mom and Howie glanced at each other. Howie and my dad glanced at each other. My mom and my dad glanced at me. It was an orgy of glancing, but little real eye contact.

My mom asks, "So, how long have you two been seeing each other?"

"It'll be one week tomorrow," I said. Suddenly, the words just started to flow from my mouth. "Things just kinda clicked into place during our trip to Atlantic City last week. To be honest, I didn't even know I was gay until then. The thought had crossed my mind a few times, I suppose, but for the most part, I've been living in denial. In fact, I didn't even like Howie when I first met him, but as I got to know him, I realized that the reason I didn't like him was that he was so much like me, and I didn't like myself. Once I came to the realization that I was gay, I started learning to accept myself, and Howie."

After a moment, my mom, who can always be relied upon to break an awkward silence, said, "Listen, Bernie, no matter what decisions you make in life, no matter what you do, you will always be our son, and we will always love you." She smiled at me, and I smiled back.

Then I turned to my father, who was caught a little off guard as he was piling more stuffing on his plate. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah. What she said," and he smiled as well as he helped himself to another spoonful of stuffing.

Feeling like I had just weathered a storm in a leaky boat and safely reached the shore, I said, "Now eat up everybody, before your dinner gets cold."

They did as they were told, and it was good.

Now that I've learned to accept who I am, and have gained the acceptance of the people I love, I feel that it's time that I step away from the computer and get out there to explore everything that life has to offer. In my efforts to deny my true self, I clung to the things that comforted me: computers, gadgets, toys, and solitude. No longer will I need to build a wall of electronics and other creature comforts around me to protect myself from finding out who I am. No longer do I feel the need to revel in my folly as I go from one bad purchase to another, and proclaim to the world in my online journal what an unfortunate consumer I've been. No longer do I feel that I was born a loser and will always be a loser.

In other words: you won't have Bernie Michaels to kick around anymore. That's right, dear readers: although my original intent when I started writing this thing was to give you all something to laugh at, my journey has taken an unexpected turn, and I no longer wish to be the subject of self-ridicule. My desire now is to continue to get to know the new Bernie, and instead of wallowing in my self loathing by making a mockery of my life for strangers like you to read, I want to hold my head up high, be proud of who I am, and be admired by those around me.

Like you've read in so many other fairy tales, this is my happy ending. Thank you for going along with me on my journey, but I must now bid you all a fond farewell. It seems I've got some living to do.

Bernie out, and proud.
- Bernie  ¶ 8:37 PM